The Awesome Theory

They say time is like a river. I guess this means it has a beginning and an end, a changeable course, shallow, deep raging and still points. What we fail to agree on is the beginning. I think in the beginning – the catchment area, full of forest trees, on a mountain, or a glacier melting into tributaries – there was/is God. I’m guessing to Him, time is like a book he’s flipping through back and forth. At some point, he decided to create life in a space bowl. So he took an anvil and begun hammering at it until he made a big enough bang which created the Universe. The Universe stirred around collecting lumps in different areas . . . one of them being the Solar System, Milky Way Galaxy.

Then, smaller lumps started forming and swirling around some weird ball of fiery gas. One of them was a dirt ball, and so He named it Earth. Then He threw a pebble at it, it flicked it on the top side, a bit broke off, got lunar powers, and started revolving around it.

God checked the math again and again and decided that Earth was perfect for terrestrial flora and fauna. Now here’s the critical part in my theory (dubbed, the Awesome theory). Here are two scenarios:

Scenario 1 >> He created a single cell with awesome evolution powers. He put single cell in water. Single cell evolved and split into a million different species of plants and animals, not forgetting minerals and . . . . . blah blah blah. Let me be honest. This theory doesn’t excite me. NOT AWESOME ENOUGH!

Scenario 2 >> He started his six-day creation job (For argument’s sake, I think He created the dinosaurs on Pangaea before these six days, then they died, then 6000years-ish ago, he created the world as we now know it). Day one, of course, was making the day and determining when it will end (awesome Guy! He works on His own terms just like me in my future job). Day two, He made the water and the blue thing that’s sometimes covered by puffy white-grey things above. Day three, He pushed some water to the side, dried up the mud and now we have land and veggies. Day four, the sun, moon and He put up photographs of other fiery hot gas balls up there also so that romance may have reference, and sailors may have direction. Day five saw the arrival of seafood (marine life) and twiiter (birds of the air and I’m guessing chicken and other Christmas food had to wait since they can’t fly) . Day six came with wildlife(or maybe dinosaurs were created here . . .) and tweeps (people). And on the seventh day, God rested.

So here is or fully formed world where chicken can cross roads, people can eat apples, apples can fall far from trees, and so forth. Then (a lot of holes in the story later) tweeps were following @WrongPeople and trending too much #sin, so God decided to flush the surface of the world. This is how I think it happened:

God (from Heavenly Tweets)
Tired of world. Too much #sin. Sending #flood. FYI @Noah, build an ark.

Noah (from Real twitter bird)
RT @God, Tired of world. Sending #flood >> OMG, building ark!

None of Noah’s followers believed his retweets, so when the flood came, everyone and everything washed away except Noah’s family and a selection of animals (And here ends the story of the dinosaurs, in my opinion; The flood killed them, or Noah’s ark bombed the Dino’s ark).

And there you have it, the world before war was invented. Awesome!