The Awesome Theory

They say time is like a river. I guess this means it has a beginning and an end, a changeable course, shallow, deep raging and still points. What we fail to agree on is the beginning. I think in the beginning – the catchment area, full of forest trees, on a mountain, or a glacier melting into tributaries – there was/is God. I’m guessing to Him, time is like a book he’s flipping through back and forth. At some point, he decided to create life in a space bowl. So he took an anvil and begun hammering at it until he made a big enough bang which created the Universe. The Universe stirred around collecting lumps in different areas . . . one of them being the Solar System, Milky Way Galaxy.

Then, smaller lumps started forming and swirling around some weird ball of fiery gas. One of them was a dirt ball, and so He named it Earth. Then He threw a pebble at it, it flicked it on the top side, a bit broke off, got lunar powers, and started revolving around it.

God checked the math again and again and decided that Earth was perfect for terrestrial flora and fauna. Now here’s the critical part in my theory (dubbed, the Awesome theory). Here are two scenarios:

Scenario 1 >> He created a single cell with awesome evolution powers. He put single cell in water. Single cell evolved and split into a million different species of plants and animals, not forgetting minerals and . . . . . blah blah blah. Let me be honest. This theory doesn’t excite me. NOT AWESOME ENOUGH!

Scenario 2 >> He started his six-day creation job (For argument’s sake, I think He created the dinosaurs on Pangaea before these six days, then they died, then 6000years-ish ago, he created the world as we now know it). Day one, of course, was making the day and determining when it will end (awesome Guy! He works on His own terms just like me in my future job). Day two, He made the water and the blue thing that’s sometimes covered by puffy white-grey things above. Day three, He pushed some water to the side, dried up the mud and now we have land and veggies. Day four, the sun, moon and He put up photographs of other fiery hot gas balls up there also so that romance may have reference, and sailors may have direction. Day five saw the arrival of seafood (marine life) and twiiter (birds of the air and I’m guessing chicken and other Christmas food had to wait since they can’t fly) . Day six came with wildlife(or maybe dinosaurs were created here . . .) and tweeps (people). And on the seventh day, God rested.

So here is or fully formed world where chicken can cross roads, people can eat apples, apples can fall far from trees, and so forth. Then (a lot of holes in the story later) tweeps were following @WrongPeople and trending too much #sin, so God decided to flush the surface of the world. This is how I think it happened:

God (from Heavenly Tweets)
Tired of world. Too much #sin. Sending #flood. FYI @Noah, build an ark.

Noah (from Real twitter bird)
RT @God, Tired of world. Sending #flood >> OMG, building ark!

None of Noah’s followers believed his retweets, so when the flood came, everyone and everything washed away except Noah’s family and a selection of animals (And here ends the story of the dinosaurs, in my opinion; The flood killed them, or Noah’s ark bombed the Dino’s ark).

And there you have it, the world before war was invented. Awesome!

Meet my Tweets

I joined the #Twitter-verse on March 23rd, 2009. I am a sucker for social sites, and this one just happened to rhyme with my name - Thuita. Had to join it. I didn't even know what I was supposed to be doing with it. And then I posted my very first tweet:

"contemplating between this and facebook"
4:29 PM Mar 23rd, 2009 via web

I wasn't as regular as I am now, because I was reserving all my stupidity for facebook updates. But I did add a fair share of nonsense to the 3 or 5 followers I had then.

"thinks his modules are missing a huge part - the easy part"
9:33 PM May 2nd, 2009 via web

"Simulcast on Facebook!"
19 August 2009 05:53:14 PM via mobile web

"My tweets are noisy!"
17 August 2009 07:00:47 PM via mobile web

"My webcam is spying on me!"
13 August 2009 05:49:55 PM via mobile web

"When walkin towards the sun, I am a trendsetter 4my shadow."
13 October 2009 11:23:08 PM via mobile web

The thought process for this next tweet came from an exam question about Solar Power:

"Thinking of Vitamin D for future energy solutions!"
26 October 2009 06:15:08 PM via mobile web

"Found a washed up 20rand in my jeans. Guess i can only use it at the Dry cleaners!"
27 October 2009 02:29:12 PM via mobile web

I've never celebrated halloween by the way . . .

"The football should have been painted like a pumpkin, and the net should have been a spiderweb today! ARSENAL ver 3.0"
31 October 2009 05:14:35 PM via mobile web

"Towels are overrated; the drain works just fine!"
16 November 2009 11:24:14 AM via mobile web

"My client doesn't like my ideas. Thinks am too much of an idealist. Its not like the bulb has a dimmer switch!"
17 November 2009 11:01:49 PM via mobile web

"Damnit - why did my past-self put an alarm for my present-self?"
18 November 2009 08:31:13 AM via mobile web

"Dear heat, there is no law that states your presence is needed whilst the sun is shining."
02 December 2009 01:01:19 PM via web

"The wait is killin me. Wat if the xray shows i hav boobs?"
22 December 2009 09:43:24 AM via mobile web

"To err is human . . . to arr is pirate!"
18 January 2010 07:38:11 AM via web

"My smoke alarm just rang, so i pressed the snooze button!"
14 March 2010 10:58:28 AM via mobile web

"I miss #pluto."
30 March 2010 10:48:47 PM via web

"I hate it when the couch is richer than me."
18 April 2010 01:45:28 PM via mobile web

"Seeing Medusa will get me hard!"
29 April 2010 10:17:14 AM via mobile web

"Fake flowers last longer, therefore fake love should do to!"
03 May 2010 10:53:48 PM via web

"I don't have problems eating bugs . . . I already have butterflies in my stomach."
01 September 2010 11:09:13 AM via Snaptu.com

"Workin on #monday is a #cliché i'd rather not be tied to."
06 September 2010 09:06:14 AM via Snaptu.com

"I felt like killing some civilisation in the #future, so i stepped on a butterfly today!"
08 September 2010 01:30:11 PM via Snaptu.com

"Tweeting is done best with thumbs!"
09 September 2010 08:30:25 PM via Snaptu.com

"I thank my parents for getting together and doing it! Here goes another change to my age, on my CV."
12 September 2010 10:47:18 AM via web

The last tweet was inspired by my birthday. Although, I wonder if it's meant to be a disturbing thought that my parents . . .